It never occurred to me that I was considered “lonely” until recently. All my life, I had never gained any attachment towards other people. Friends, family, lovers… they all seemed to fly by, without a care. I always seemed happy in my own world, my own thoughts and imagination keeping me company.

The hectic work schedule of an unsatisfactory life plagues me every day now. This isn’t the life I chose, neither did I want. I used to be dead set on my dreams, holding onto them and never letting go. I wished to be an animator. I wanted to create, draw, and be in an occupation that left me lost in the colorful world within my head, an endless stream of ideas being written, with each word having deep meaning.

And yet none of my experience is good enough. Constantly rejected from jobs I dreamed to have, I found myself with no other choice but to apply for a monotonous, mind-numbing office job, taking calls and writing paperwork that never seemed to end. The pay was barely enough, allowing me to live in a small apartment with just enough to buy necessities such as groceries.

My life seems repetitive and bleak now, as I watch others live out their dream in the company of friends and lovers. I began to feel excluded, and feelings of emptiness slowly creep in, as each stressful week drains my happiness more and more. A desire for friendship, for company, for love began to burn within my soul. It made me feel hopeless and brought me deeper into an inescapable dread, a belief echoing in my head that I’ll be stuck like this forever.